PEOPLE & PRACTICE – III

Marriage

While most Christian weddings begin at the church, a Congolese (Christian) wedding ends in one! The social wedding is significant, where the bride and the groom exchange vows and rings in the presence of myriad invitees.

Traditional Congolese weddings are an expensive affair, especially for the groom’s family. The wedding trousseau, jewellery, booking of the venue - marriage hall or restaurant, decoration of the venue, dinner arrangement for the guests are all money consuming. The man pays for most of the things, as also a “bride price,” an amount in cash or kind, that is refundable in case of a divorce later in life.

We’d often find on auspicious evenings a decked-up bride and groom descending from their decorated white car to collect their pre-ordered cake from the patisserie. Sometimes they are followed by a couple of other cars, friends or family, to the party venue. This is a pre-wedding scene. The wedding happens at the venue, amidst loud cheers and merriment, sacred vows by both parties, and sometimes speeches by either’s parents.

Not just the wedding pair, but the invitees too are a sight to behold. Women glittering in gold, diamond and ivory danglers, necklaces, and bracelets, rich hairdos, and short dresses walk the venue ramp, while men with diamond-studded neckties, cuff links, and shoes enjoy laughing boisterously with friends and acquaintances, a drink in hand. Congolese are perhaps the loudest people on earth! We’d discuss this characteristic sometime in a later post.

Congolese men and women are very fond of being photographed. Every time we visited a restaurant we’d find a professional photographer roaming about, asking people to pose. And what better occasion than a wedding! Every couple poses before the photographer, who after doing the honor takes their address and phone number, and in due course home delivers the copies.

While the format of all arranged weddings remains the same, affordability being an issue, factors such as selection of the venue, number of invitees, and lavishness of the feast largely vary for the average Congolese families. After all, this is a country where internal tribal wars have been a daily bearing until only a short while ago, and masses of displaced families still continue to live in temporary settlements all over the country.

Having said so much about the weddings, it is important to indicate that in Congo marriage does not appear to be a sacred institution, viewed by Indian standards. Anytime the man or the wife is free to move out with another person of his/her choice, and start a new life afresh. The society permits (or maybe ignores!) multiple marriages. It even permits men and women to live together, out of marriage, and have children. This also accounts for the number of children in a family, who sometimes share only one common parent.

It inclines you to think that the various persistent problems of Congo – poverty, unemployment, prostitution – can be tackled by tweaking just this aspect of the society – oversight! Otherwise, if marriages are made in heaven, there’d have to be a separate heaven for Congo, functioning round the clock!